Naked Conch Announces New Weekly Show on KONK Broadcasting Network

Now we're talking!

Matt Gardi will be debuting his new talk show, The Naked Conch Hour, on KONK Broadcasting Network this Friday, Dec 2 at Noon.  The show will replicate Gardi's irreverent written style as he takes on government waste, covers local politics, and let's you hear from members of our Keys community.

The show will run every Friday at noon, and will feature Monroe County School District Chairman John Dick as it's inaugural guest.  With lots of exciting (and depressing) news coming out of the schools recently, Dick should provide some insight as to where we go from here.

Tune in from your desk, your couch, or your phone, but tune in. 

http://www.konknet.com/

Clue Number Seven of the Great Naked Conch Scavenger Hunt

Clue six provided everything you needed to win, but here is one more hint to help you on your way.  The J.R.R. Tolkien fans out there might enjoy it.

Gandalf and Froda entered the Gates of Moria by using a phrase like that included in clue six.

Gag me ... with an iPad

While we all must be grateful if we are fortunate enough to be stuffed from a gluttonous Thanksgiving feast, here is one that will put you over the edge as it is one bite too much to swallow.

I'm not talking about my famed Shoo-fly pie recipe either.  I'm referring to the latest fluff piece in the Key West Citizen regarding Judge Audlin's new tech initiative using an iPhone.  You can read it here!  Warning: Have barf bag conveniently available!

That just confirms for me the Citizen is a promotional arm of well connected people.

First, I'm sure all the wonderful things Judge Audlin is "tinkering" with could have been done years ago on a windows based laptop, of which I am sure he has access too.. if he wants.  But no, let's get a gadget for the Judges instead, not just iPhones, let's get them IPad's too.  See they want to use technology now.

Hey, I am an iPhone user myself, and in fact think they rule.  Users in the State Attorney's Office have had access to their email and calendar via iPhones since I came on board as their IT director in 2009.  But they could also use any smartphone, or computer with Internet access for that matter.  I know for a fact that even up to a few months ago, the courts were having a challenge getting a Mac to integrate with their email systems.

BUY! BUY! BUY!

Another Great Real Estate Analysis by the Key West Citizen

Hey listen, I'd be the first person to rejoice in the stabilization of Real Estate prices in the Keys, for as I have argued in the past it is absolutely essential to so many aspects of our lives.  There are the obvious aspects of home equity, tax base and funding for all our government services that depend so critically on stable home prices.  But as I have also argued, fraud in the foreclosure, rubber stamping of robo-signed documents, destruction of our title histories, and a judiciary that turns a blind eye to it, enables the fraud and does more to adversely our property values than 100 fluff pieces that reference Real Industry mouthpieces regurgitating the same old tired rhetoric.

"The market is coming back!" "It's a great time to buy."  It's as tiring as watching the World Championship of Knitting.  What we need is the truth and an exposure of what is truly depressing our property values, and not a  monthly twisting of the one single statistic that can birth the latest "Real Estate Market Rebounds" headline.

For example, enter stage left, Robert Silk and the Key West Citizen's latest verbal portrait of joy.  In an article in Sunday, November 20th's edition of the Citizen with a headline of "Priciest Homes Lead Market Rebound," Silk references the fact that waterfront homes have enjoyed a year over year price increase.  Woo Hoo.  Now where did I leave my Pom Poms?

What NOT to do at Fantasy Fest

Some Helpful Fantasy Fest Advice

Hey, Fantasy Fest provides an excuse for all of us to push the limits, but there are some things that we should truly make a note of to avoid doing before we start to indulge.

Don't get schnookered blind and ride your scooter.... (Goes unsaid, besides there are plenty of bushes to crawl under, and it's only a 2 x 4 mile island for Christmas sake...the walk will do ya good.)

....up a one-way street past one of Key West's Finest.... (They are the only ones NOT drinking and probably not too happy about it. Hint: They might just notice your sorry bare arse.)

...wearing nuttin' but a thong...

...adorned with an elephant trunk.

Nope.  Just don't do it.  For more reasons than one.

(Editor's Note: Naked Conch is an ardent supporter of nakedness, freedom and liberty.  But your rights end at the tip of our nose, don't drive drunk!)

And now the moment you've been waiting for... 

Clue Number Three of the Great Naked Conch Scavenger Hunt.

Not up in a tower, or under a shell,

a living attraction might serve you well.

GUEST POST: Local Bartender Vincent Rides to Personal Victory

by Al Phillips

Cindy Vincent, Keys own local celebrity bartender at the the Southernmost Beach Cafe, has completed a grueling 165 mile bike ride for Smart Ride.  Smart Ride is a charity bike ride with hundreds of participants for the HIV/AIDS foundation.

"What a ride," Cindy told us, "just beautiful and for a great cause, I'll do it again next year."

Fantastic job Cindy and to all those who participated!

Clue Number Four of the Great Naked Conch Scavenger Hunt!

Tourists amused by a face in a hole,

by a buoy from which the weather is told!

How REAL Judges rule...

Too bad they aren't from the Keys.

There is actually joy in Mudville folks.  A couple of rulings by some Judges hit the nail on the head recently and took banks to task.

First, this in from the home of sweet tea, pecan pie and homemade wine...

In an Order denying a US Bank's motion to dismiss, Judge Dennis Blackmon writes;

“Sometimes, only courts of law stand to protect the taxpayer. Somewhere, someone has to stand up. Well, sometimes is now, and the place is the Great State of Georgia. The Defendant’s Motion is hereby Denied”
“The United States Government paid taxpayer dollars to the largest of our financial institutions, and to European Union Banks, in order to prop up those poorly run organizations. Twenty Billion of those dollars were handed over to the defendant, U.S. Bank.”

...and this...

“A cynical Judge might believe that this entire motion to dismiss is a desperate attempt to avoid the discovery period, where U.S. Bank would have to tell Mr. Phillips how his financial situation did not qualify him for a modification. Or, perhaps he was qualified, yet didn’t receive the modification, in violation of U.S. Bank’s Service Participation Agreement (SPA).”

Remember this is the Judge ruling...

“I, on the other hand, am sure that nothing of the sort could be true. Maybe US Bank no longer has any of the $20 billion dollars left, and so their lack or written explanation might be attributed to some kind of ink reduction program to save money. I’m sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why US  Bank will not print out the ONE page of figures that show that MR Phillip’s financials compared to the HAMP guidelines to clear this all up.”

Conclusion
“There is no merit to Defendant’s Motion to Dismiss, and same is hereby DENIED.”

Read the entire Order, it's worth it.  Who doesn't love sarcasm?  Too bad he isn't from Monroe County, FL.  We need a Judge like that.

But wait, there's more...two REAL Judges actually exist...someone pinch me....

Find out more and find the next clue to the Great Naked Conch Scavenger Hunt.  To read on ...click read more below.

The Great Naked Conch Scavenger Hunt Begins!!!

One Naked Conch T-Shirt, Two Naked Conch Koozies and a crisp $100 bill could be yours.

Find out more here!

The First Clue -

It's near one particular one!

Gastesi Begins a Great Initiative

Recently it was reported by the Keynoter on KeysNet.com that Monroe County Administrator Roman Gastesi has begun an initiative to have County agencies work together to share resources and services in an effort to create efficiency and reduce expenses.

This is fantastic, and Gastesi deserves a lot of credit for pursuing this.  More importantly, it's great that it is coming from the top, otherwise it might simply be disregarded by the various agencies administrators.

Why would I say that?  Because I have experienced it first hand.  In 2009 when I returned to work at the Office of the State Attorney as their IT Director it became readily apparent that technology was playing a more prevalent roll in the justice system than ever before.  Therefore it seemed to me that it would only be logical if the various agencies worked together to leverage technology in the entire judicial system, to reduce duplication of effort, and consolidate systems and services.

With the support of State Attorney Dennis Ward, then Chief Assistant Don Barrett, and Executive Director Nancy Criswell I began my pursuit of this project with high hopes.  I attempted to coordinate meetings and dubbed the effort the Monroe County Justice IT Committee.

What I was met with was what I would call a serious protectionist type of paranoia.  While certain agencies were willing and eager to participate, others were more concerned about what type of power trip I was on, and how I may have been trying to take control of any aspect of their agency.  Perhaps they were nervous about light I might shed on inefficiencies or how they were managing their current budgets.

Keys Courts Ignore Local Businesses on Sole Source Wireless Project

State of Florida and Courts Have Budget Shortfalls Someone should tell the Courts

As the IT director at the Office of the State Attorney I have been clamoring for consistent reliable wireless Internet access in the Keys Courtrooms for years. Granted there are isolated Courtrooms, where off the shelf wireless routers provide some limited internet access, such as in Judge Fowler’s Courtroom, but attorneys throughout the Keys know all too well that that access is the exception. Attorneys require Internet access to do research, check calendars, and in our case gain access to our case management system as we move towards a more paperless environment.

Imagine how elated I was when it came to my attention that the Courts were pursuing consistent wireless Internet access. In July, Trial Court Administrator Holly Elomina presented to State Attorney Executive Director Nancy Criswell a quote for equipment for a wireless project from tech firm CDW-G for $34,269, with a request for the State Attorney to provide approximately ⅓ of the cost, or approximately $12,000. Apparently, the Public Defender would also be providing $12,000 to split the project in thirds. Elomina wrote on this quote which did not include any labor, “Quote for all three courthouses.” Along with this quote, Elomina provided a paid invoice for $4,945 that was from CDW-G for having provided the quote and site survey, that Elomina generously took credit for having already paid. This invoice included $1,615 of travel expenses, for as you see, CDW-G is a company based in Illinois.

Nancy Criswell, being one of the few government administrators that I admire for her frugality, and eye for detail, asked me to review the quote, and asked Elomina for a specific list of equipment that the State Attorney’s Office would be purchasing from it, along with a separate quote for such. While elated that my long requested wireless project was being addressed, I immediately was concerned about the price. Including the site survey, this project was knocking on $40,000, and while I am fully aware that a solution like the wireless router in Judge Fowler’s courtroom is completely inadequate, it probably did only cost $50. I took the quote and quickly referenced some prices from Comp-USA for comparison, and within five minutes determined that there was the potential to save $3,000.

I forwarded the quote with my chicken scratches back to Elomina illustrating the savings and asked, “Have other quotes or evaluations been procured?” Elomina never replied. Now, by law due to the fact that the equipment was under state contract there is no requirement to get other quotes. But the ultimate source of funding for this project is from the County, and according to Monroe County Purchasing Policy, Chapter 7B, any purchases under State contract over $25,000 should be sourced from other South Florida Businesses, and if prices are lower, the purchase must be made through those sources. Essentially the Courts not only got just one quote, but it cost five grand to get it.

Naked Conch Looks to Expose Local Talent

Do you or someone you know have a knack for writing?  Want to show off your stuff on Naked Conch?

Well, we're looking for some talent to help unveil the Keys because we need help... obviously in more ways than one!

If you feel you have what it takes to cover local issues here in the Keys in a lighthearted but detailed manner, send us a sample blog post!  We are specifically looking for individuals to cover specific topics, but we're not trapped in a shell.  So if you have other ideas, let's hear 'em!!

Expose me!

We are searching for people who think they can cover...

Local sports
Band Reviews
Restaurant Reviews
Bar Reviews
Upcoming Charity Events
Occupy Protests
Higgs Beach Boxing Matches
Key West City Commission Meetings
Monroe County Board of County Commissioner Meetings
Monroe County School Board Meetings

and most importantly...

what the dickens goes on inside that joint called the Purple Porpoise on Big Coppitt!!

Give us a shout at matt@nakedconch.com if you think you have what it takes to guest post on NC!

Those chosen as lucky contributors will receive a years worth of unrecycled pizza boxes rejected at the single stream recycling facility and one naked Conch koozie to help keep their beer cold!

...and if you're like us and can't write...at least send us links to your YouTube videos taken throughout the Keys.

Key West the Newspaper ready to roll this Friday, November 11

Dennis Reeves Cooper apparently has received enough financial support to publish Key West the Newspaper this Friday, November 11.  After being on the ropes financially, with  numerous stories and rumors spreading throughout the community, Cooper received an outpouring of support from local fans of the Blue Paper.

Donations both small and large have combined to provide enough financial support for Cooper to continue on with his publication.  Read about it here in the Key West Citizen.

We look forward to Friday, when we can expect the familiar Blue Paper to once again be distributed throughout Key West and found on-line at www.kwtnblue.com.

An Army of Two

3rd District Court of Appeals Judge Attributes Destruction of Due Process to our own Judge Sandra Taylor
Sometimes you feel vindicated. Sometimes there is the occasion that some event occurs that solidifies your beliefs and eliminates that “lone wolf” feeling. Just when I was beginning to wonder why no one else can see what is so obvious to me, I read these words from 3rd District Court of Appeals Judge Juan Ramirez, Jr., 

“In my view, to affirm what happened here requires that we turn a blind eye to the Florida Rules of Civil Procedure, the Florida Bar Rules of Professional Conduct, and the Code of Judicial Conduct, to say nothing of the Constitutions of the United States and the State of Florida.”

What is this highly respected Judge referring to? Would you believe our very own 16th Judicial Circuit Judge Sandra Taylor, the retired Judge that has been handling so many of our foreclosure cases. What caused Judge Ramirez to articulate such an extreme, no holds barred position that correlates with my oft repeated suppositions? Ramirez explained,

“I dissent because I cannot condone the unprofessional and unethical means used by the bank’s counsel, with the trial court’s complicity, to obtain an amended final judgment in this case. Counsel for Centennial Bank admitted at oral argument that the amended final judgment, which more than doubled the amount of the deficiency judgment, was obtained after an ex parte communication with the judge’s chambers. Either the judge or her staff then advised counsel on how to proceed. Not only was it improper for the trial court to give legal advice, but the advice was wrong—directing counsel to send a letter with a proposed amended final judgment, rather than to file a motion seeking appropriate relief. This was then followed by another ex parte communication—a letter from the bank’s counsel to the judge, that then resulted in a new final judgment two and half times larger than the previous final judgment. The bank did not even send a copy of the letter to the appellant.”

Kudos to Yaniz

Here's a big shout out to newly elected Key West City Commissioner Tony Yaniz for working to drive the last nail in the coffin of the channel widening debate.  The widening issue, which by the way, according to an ongoing  poll on this blog, is failing by almost a 4 to 1 margin.

According to the Key West Citizen, Yaniz will be working on a resolution to propose that the City's position is to put this dog to bed and not pursue it any further.

From the Citizen article...

"I am not anti-cruise ship," Yaniz said. "They provide some money to the city. I am anti-widening of the channel. It is obvious that the large majority of the citizens of this island do not want the widening of the channel. They are now starting to see through the smokescreen that was thrown out there."

I have written often about milk toast politicians, who won't take a stand or will ride the fence in order not to offend anyone.  I have argued that true leadership is doing what is right and fighting for it.  After this last effort to put a referendum item on the City ballot, which might have been OK aside from the fact that it was vague and open ended and made no reference to the potential costs, Yaniz is right to lead the way to put an end to the debate once and for all.

Rumors of Cooper's Demise have been greatly exaggerated.

by Matt Gardi

While he is not Mark Twain, Dennis Reeves Cooper is a great writer and has been a fantastic asset to Key West over the years. I have been amused by the many comments that I have read and heard regarding Dennis after word spread around the Keys that he suspended publication of Key West the Newspaper.

Most amusing to me are those that are rejoicing in the challenges Dennis is facing because I know for a fact that while he is down, he most certainly is not out! I’m reminded of Rocky, in the first movie, hanging on the ropes, with his coach Mick yelling for him to stay down. But Rocky pulled himself up to continue to fight on.

Those of you who have been relishing in the fact that Dennis Cooper now finds himself on the ropes might be the first to remind me that Rocky ultimately lost the fight. But just as in the movie Rocky, our hero’s battle may not be what every one else might perceive it to be. For as you see, Rocky won because all he ever wanted to do was go the distance and be standing after 15 rounds.

 As with Rocky, those throughout the community that are giddy at the prospect of Dennis Reeves Cooper suspending publication and having financial challenges might find themselves a bit disappointed as Dennis pulls himself up the ropes and returns to the ring for another swing. You see, anyone who knows Dennis, knows full well that his victory is not in running a newspaper that makes millions of dollars, but rather in being a vigilant watch dog in our community. His victory is knowing that when officials or business people might consider doing something a little shady, that they have to pause and wonder to themselves, “Is this going to end up on the cover of the Blue Paper?”

The Bust of Socrates in the Vatican.
Look Familiar?

Plato referred to Socrates as the “gadfly” of the state, as he irritated certain people in power with his pursuit of justice and what is right. Dennis Reeves Cooper and Key West the Newspaper play such a role in our community. 

Further, Cooper has, and continues to be, an inspiration to others who champion the same cause. The many contributors, including myself, whom over the years have come to him with stories, or written their own know full well what a value, Dennis and Key West the Newspaper have been to our community over the years.

To the chagrin of Cooper’s foes, support is flowing in, and the crowd is cheering for this under dog to pull himself up the ropes and continue the battle. At the end of Rocky, the crowds were not cheering for the fact that Apollo Creed had won another fight, rather they were cheering for the fact that the underdog southpaw from Philly went the distance. They were cheering for the fact the Rocky had won his own battle, and inspired us all to fight on in the face of great adversity.

Fight on Dennis, fight on!